#041 - How to Take Action on Your Goals (Closing the Wanting-Doing Gap)
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In this episode, Amanda Parker explores why we struggle to follow through on our goals and introduces the powerful concept of "going all in" with four essential questions that help you close the gap between wanting and doing.
Read the full Show Notes below!
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“Commitment is a choice. It’s a decision that you make. It’s not a feeling that magically appears. You have to actually choose it.”
Today's Guest
Amanda parker
Amanda Parker is a Transformation Catalyst, Professional Coach (PCC), and Intuitive Healer who blends reiki, channeling, and shamanic practices to help people reconnect with their inner wisdom. As host of Don't Step on the Bluebells podcast, she creates spaces where magic can happen, exploring alternative healing practices through powerful interviews and practical solo episodes.
After her own spiritual awakening in 2018 led her from Berlin to Singapore and London, Amanda now supports women healers in bringing their life-changing work into the world with confidence.
Connect with Amanda on Instagram @AmandaParker.co or visit her website to learn more about The Women Healers Collective.
How to get in touch:
Website: www.amandaparker.co
Instagram: @amandaparker.co
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amandamparker/
Podcast: www.dontsteponthebluebells
Community: www.womenhealerscollective.com
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Show Notes
If you've ever felt frustrated by the gap between your intentions and your actions—hitting snooze when you planned to exercise, scrolling social media instead of working on that project, or watching another goal slip by unfulfilled—this episode will change everything. Amanda Parker cuts straight to the heart of why we sabotage ourselves and reveals that the problem isn't what you think it is.
The core premise is revolutionary: it's not about willpower, motivation, or discipline. It's about fear—specifically, our deep-seated fear of fully committing to what we say we want. Amanda introduces her transformative "going all in" framework, sharing how "Most people are afraid to fully commit. They might tip a toe in, they might try it out for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks, but they're not really fully committed and not really going all in." Through her own vulnerable story of spending years "wanting" to learn French (when she really just wanted to already be fluent), Amanda demonstrates how to distinguish between genuine desires and fantasy outcomes.
What makes this episode particularly powerful is Amanda's four-question diagnostic tool that exposes exactly what's keeping you stuck. She walks you through identifying your deeper emotional drivers, eliminating friction from your path to success, learning from past failures instead of repeating them, and making the conscious choice to commit—even when it feels uncomfortable. These aren't just abstract concepts; they're practical strategies that work whether you're trying to build a business, improve your health, or create any meaningful change in your life.
Here's the question that will haunt you after listening: What would become possible if you stopped dabbling and started going all in on what truly matters to you? This episode doesn't just diagnose why you're stuck—it hands you the exact roadmap to break free. Don't let another goal become a regret. Listen now and discover what it really means to close the gap between wanting and doing.
Key Takeaways
The real problem isn't willpower—it's fear of commitment
Use the Four-Question Framework to diagnose what's blocking you: Why does this matter to me (emotionally)? How much friction exists? What didn't work before and why? Am I truly committed?
Commitment is a choice, not a feeling
Reduce friction to increase success
Distinguish between wanting results vs. wanting to do the work
What We Talked About
Why most people believe the problem is lack of willpower or motivation (and why that's wrong)
How our existing routines and neural pathways create resistance to change
The concept of "going all in" and why the universe responds to full commitment
Four essential questions for examining what's blocking your progress
The importance of understanding your deeper emotional motivations beyond surface goals
Strategies for reducing friction and making success more achievable
How to analyze past attempts and break cycles of ineffective problem-solving
The difference between commitment as a choice versus waiting for motivation to strike
Amanda's personal example of her French-learning goal and the realization that she wanted the result, not the process
How to build self-trust by keeping promises to yourself
When to recognize that you might not actually want what you think you want
Guest Quotes
"The universe is always giving you a hell yes. So if you're really all in on something and showing up for the task, it will respond to you as well."
"Most people are afraid to fully commit. They might dip a toe in, they might try it out for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks, but they're not really fully committed and not really going all in."
"In order for us to do something new, and to truly change the way that we do things, it really requires us to consciously work against our own ingrained programming."
"Commitment is a choice. It's a decision that you make. It's not a feeling that magically appears. You have to actually choose it."
"If you keep trying to solve the same problem over and over again using the same techniques that you've used before, you're setting yourself up for failure."
"I am worthy of the effort that it will take for me to reach this thing that I really want to have in my life."
Resources to Learn More
Take 15 Minutes to Answer the following questions:
Why does this matter to me on a deep, emotional level?
What is the friction, and how can I reduce it?
Why didn't my past attempts work?
Am I willing to commit to this, right now, as a choice?
Terms & Tools to Dig Deeper
All In Commitment - The practice of fully dedicating yourself to a goal with complete intention and effort, rather than half-heartedly attempting change; involves choosing a specific timeframe to commit before evaluating results
Commitment as Choice - The understanding that commitment is a conscious decision rather than a feeling that appears naturally; requires actively choosing to show up regardless of motivation levels or circumstances
Emotional Archaeology - The process of digging beneath surface-level goals to uncover the deeper emotional needs and feelings you're actually seeking to fulfill (e.g., wanting to "feel beautiful" rather than just "lose weight")
The Four Questions Framework - Amanda's systematic diagnostic tool for examining goals: 1) Why does this matter to me? (emotional drivers) 2) How much friction exists? (obstacles assessment) 3) What didn't work before and why? (failure analysis) 4) Am I truly committed? (commitment evaluation)
Friction Analysis - The practice of examining what obstacles and resistance exist in your current lifestyle that might prevent success with new goals; identifying ways to reduce these barriers and make success more achievable
Going All In - Amanda's central concept meaning to fully commit to a goal with complete intention and effort, trusting that "the universe responds" when you show up authentically for what you want
The Lighter vs. Matchstick Metaphor - A powerful analogy about how we often keep trying to solve problems using the same ineffective methods (striking matches repeatedly) instead of finding better tools (using a lighter), illustrating our tendency to loop in unsuccessful patterns
Neural Pathway Programming - The brain's existing patterns, habits, and automatic responses that create resistance when trying to establish new behaviors; the "ingrained programming" that makes change feel like "pushing a boulder up a hill"
Result-Wanting vs. Work-Wanting - The crucial distinction between genuinely wanting to do the work required to achieve a goal versus just wanting to already have the outcome; helps identify when goals aren't aligned with true desires
Self-Trust Building - The practice of keeping promises to yourself and following through on commitments, which builds confidence in your ability to achieve what you set out to do
Shame Cycle Prevention - Recognizing when you're repeatedly failing at the same goal because you don't actually want it, allowing you to let go rather than continuing to erode self-trust
Surface vs. Deeper Desires - Distinguishing between what you think you want (surface goal like "networking more") and the underlying emotional need you're trying to fulfill (deeper desire like "feeling connected" or "advancing your career")
Thanks for listening!
What was your biggest insight from this episode? Let me know @amandaparker.co
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Episode Transcript
Amanda Parker (00:01.782)
Welcome to today's mini episode of Don't Step on the Bluebells. I'm your host, Amanda Parker. Today, we're tackling a question that I know so many of you have been asking yourselves. Why is it that sometimes you think that you want something even when you know that you want to change it, but you just don't do it? Now, this is something that so many of us have struggled with.
it's a really common occurrence. So let's say that you really want to go to the gym, but instead when your alarm goes off in the morning, you just hit snooze or you want to go to these networking events because you're planning to expand your network, talk to new people, meet new people, but you never seem to find the time or some project or other always comes up that keeps you away from being able to attend. Or perhaps you just
know that there's something that you should be doing to be able to reach your goals and yet you just don't do it. So this might sound familiar to you and if it does, don't worry, you're not alone. So today we're going to be talking about what that actually is, what might be standing in your way and what are some of the ways that you can actually close the gap on the things that you say that you want.
and actually taking them into action and doing them. So we'll be exploring the difference between those who say what they want and actually do it and those who can't quite figure that out just yet. I will say that from my side, I believe the answer lies in one really powerful concept, which is going all in.
Let's take a moment just to explore this central core question. Why don't we follow through? What's really going on here? Why are we staying in this limbo, this wanting, desiring, saying that we want things to be different, but not actually taking action on it when we could be? Most people believe that it's a lack of willpower or a lack of motivation, but I believe that it's something much deeper than that.
Amanda Parker (02:25.794)
We all have our lives already in motion. We have our routines, our habits, patterns, behaviors, things that are really comfortable to us and already ingrained. It doesn't take much thought. We don't have to plan things out when they're already a part of the process that we follow. Even if they're not really making us that happy, it's sort of okay enough to not change it. So in order for us to do something new,
and to truly change the way that we do things, it really requires us to consciously work against our own ingrained programming. That means that we need to actually do the work of creating new neural pathways. And the initial effort of doing that can feel like pushing a boulder up a hill. Here's the hard truth. So most people are afraid to fully commit.
They might tip a toe in, they might try it out for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks, but they're not really fully committed and not really going all in. Believe me when I tell you that the universe is always giving you a hell yes. So if you're really all in on something and showing up for the task, it will respond to you as well. How do you become one of those people that's actually able to go all in?
I think that we need to explore four different areas of what it actually means to go all in. If you're finding yourself stuck, you really want to commit to something, it's become really hard to do, really take a moment to pause and listen here to these four questions and see what might be going on beneath the surface. The first question is, why does this actually matter to me?
often jumping in straight away to what I want to do. What do I want to change? I want to lose weight or I want to get a promotion, but we don't take the time to think about why do we want that? Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want that promotion? Maybe there's something about
Amanda Parker (04:37.056)
It's not actually about losing weight. Maybe you just really want to feel beautiful. You want to feel good in your clothes. Maybe it's about having more energy that you can play with your kids without feeling exhausted. The deeper desire and understanding what it is that's beneath the surface is going to help you connect to that motivation, especially in those moments where it's difficult to follow through. Your alarm is going off an hour earlier than usual and
All you want to do is sleep later. So to give you an actionable takeaway, write down in your journal, ask yourself, what is that feeling that I'm hoping to achieve with this goal? Make sure that you're going a couple of layers deeper just than the surface want. Like, I want to lose weight. No, actually, why do I want to lose weight? Well, you know, I have this beautiful dress that I haven't been able to wear for the last
whatever, three years. So you pick the thing that's most important to you and start to go down beneath the layers to find out what might be the deeper desire beneath the surface. The second question that you can ask yourself is how much friction is there to my success? So let's be honest, your current lifestyle or schedule is...
already in motion. It already exists. As I said before, you already have your habits, your behaviors, the things that are helping you to keep that momentum going. And when you're trying to start something new, there's a question about what actually needs to change in your current day to day to create the space for the new thing to come in. So if you
to go back to our gym example. This is a terrible example because I would never go to the gym at 6 a.m. Let me be honest, but let's just say you decide for whatever reason you want to go to the gym at 6 a.m. You want to be able to get there before you go to work, before it's too crowded, to have the energy that you need throughout the day. If you're the kind of person who's typically awake late at night until 11 or 12 before you get into bed, getting up and going to the gym first thing in the morning,
Amanda Parker (06:52.278)
is going to be really hard. The resistance will be super high on being able to do that. It doesn't mean that you will never be able to reach that goal. It just means that you're making it really hard on yourself. You want to have as little friction as possible to be able to start something new. You want to be a bit more realistic about...
What is that path that you can take that will actually fit into your life and fit into your schedule? So how might you be able to reduce the friction? Well, maybe you start with 15 minute workouts. Maybe you start with workouts at home following a video or doing yoga at home in your living room. Or perhaps you can find a way to, you know, get to a gym on your lunch break. So something that's not going to create so much friction with what you're currently doing and gives you the space to be able to succeed.
The third question, you're going to want to ask yourself, what have I tried before and why didn't it work? If you're trying to solve the same problem over and over again using the same techniques that you've used before, you're setting yourself up for failure. There was this beautiful video that I saw on social media the other day. It was two women and it was a meme. One was saying that one was the therapist, one was the client.
Then there was this candle in the middle and they called that the problem. You see the client with her matchbook and she just keeps striking the matches over, over, over, fast, fast, fast, as fast as she could. She can't seem to get the matches to light, but she keeps trying. She's resilient. She's not giving up. Her therapist hands her a lighter. She looks at the lighter like, okay, now we all have an expectation of what she's going to do with the lighter. Does she do that? No, of course not. She takes the lighter and the matchstick.
and lights the matchstick on fire, much to the absolute exasperation of her therapist, and then uses that to light the candle. And it just shows, it was such a beautiful metaphor. If I can find it, I'm going to link to it, or you can go search for it on your own. But it's a beautiful metaphor that we are often just trying to solve the same problem over and over over over again in the exact same way, even if it's proven to be ineffective.
Amanda Parker (09:14.946)
We just have this loop, this idea in our mind of what this should look like. And if you're not careful, your persistence will keep you further looping and further stuck. So if you are continually trying to solve your problem in the exact same way, it's time to hit pause, analyze what you've done before, getting understanding of what has worked, what hasn't worked, and get an understanding of why it hasn't worked.
This is going to free up a lot of your mental energy to understand what different approaches could you take the next time. Coming back to our example of the gym, you maybe in the past, had super restrictive diets to lose weight or you committed to do six days a week at the gym and it was impossible. So you failed before you could even start. And therefore you want to just take a look at what hasn't worked before so that you can actually find a way to do what will work for you this time.
So the fourth question that you're going to ask yourself is, I truly committed? So commitment is a choice. It's a decision that you make. It's not a feeling that magically appears. You have to actually choose it. If I want to start, you know, starting this podcast is a great example. There was no outside pressure to do it. I just wanted to do it. I decided.
Before I even started, it took months for me to get the energy and commitment to actually follow through on what I said I wanted. In order for me to truly go all in and give it the best possible shot, I told myself, I will give this a year. Let me see what happens with a year. I can go all in on this project for one full year to find out what happens before I decide that it is or isn't working. As a result of that, here we are.
almost two years later, I think two years later to the recording of the first episode. And we're still going and we're still having amazing conversations and these new wonderful formats of mini episodes that you are listening to right now.
Amanda Parker (11:23.15)
If you want to find what that means for you, what it means to really be committed, there's something you really, really want, think about that next goal, that next thing that you're seeking out, and then you're going to want to decide if it's something you're willing to really go all in on. The truth is that even if you go all in, if you commit fully, if it's
doesn't work out or blows up in your face or you hate it, you can make a different choice later on. This means that you're going to keep showing up for yourself so that you build that confidence that you can actually do and follow through on the things that you say you will. Even when it's hard, even when it's inconvenient, and only after a certain time that you agree or commit to for yourself, you can decide that this is working and you're
You're happy you want to continue or that perhaps things need to change. Now, this all sounds great, but what happens if it's still not working? What if you do all of these exercises and it's still not working, you're still not really able to follow through on what it is that you say you want to do, then you want to start examining what it is that you truly want.
because there's a possibility that the thing that you think you want is not really what you want. If you keep trying to build towards it, you're probably just creating a shame cycle, and you're probably creating a situation in which you just lose trust in yourself. The number of years that I spent wanting to learn French. I studied French in high school. I wanted to be fluent. I became an adult. I had all these goals, different things I was doing, working, et cetera.
and I really still wanted to learn French, so it was on my list every year. The truth is I didn't really want to learn French. I just wanted to know French. I wanted to already be fluent in it, but I didn't want to make the commitment that I would have needed to make to study the language and truly properly learn it. So eventually, probably after like three years of having that same goal every year on my list of things I wanted to do,
Amanda Parker (13:43.242)
I understood, you know, I don't really want this. There's other things that are higher priority and more important to me now, and I let it go. I have never looked back on that goal. Let me be clear. There has not been a single day where I've been like, damn, really wish I had become fluent in French when I had the chance. So if I moved to France, you might hear an update of this episode, but that's not in the plans. So we don't need to visit that again just yet. So.
understanding what it is that you really want, understanding if you can change the way that you set the goal for yourself to achieve what you want, because maybe that initial goal wasn't the right way to go about it. If I really want to become a writer, is reading 10 books on writing actually going to help me achieve my writing goal? Honestly, painfully, probably not, even though I love to read books on things I want to do, it's still not actually doing the thing.
and we'll just postpone the amount of time that I'm not doing it and postpone the satisfaction that comes from actually achieving and following through on something that you say that you want. Start to find what are those true desires, what are those goals or those mini milestones that you can set that help you just take steps closer to it and build your own trust that you can actually follow through.
Rather than jumping into what you think the right solution is without really understanding what you need, you are giving yourself the compassion and wisdom of finding a different way forward. All of this being said, there is a challenge for you to follow this week if it feels good for you. I want you to think about one of the things that you say you want
that you haven't been showing up for. Pick just one thing, whatever that thing might be, and take 15 minutes, 20 minutes to sit down and answer the following questions. Why does this matter to me? Look on a deep emotional level. Why does this matter to me? What is the friction in achieving this? How can I reduce that?
Amanda Parker (16:08.233)
Why didn't my past attempts work?
And am I willing to really fully commit to this right now?
Amanda Parker (16:21.634)
Don't just think about it, write it down, make it real, make it tangible so that you can actually see what's happening in your own thought process. Know that going all in isn't about perfection, it's not about getting it right, it's about your intention. Being really intentional, making a conscious choice for yourself, for your goals, for your desires, it's giving yourself the opportunity
to say I am worthy of the effort that it will take for me to reach this thing that I really want to have in my life. And when you fully commit and you fully go all in, you're sending a powerful message to yourself, to the universe, to anyone who might be listening that you're ready for that change. And that's when things can really begin to shift for you. I hope that you've taken something away. Please feel free to share with me.
how this resonates, what lands, and what results you might be getting from those questions that you're asking yourself. And I wish you lots of luck on the journey to following through on all those big, beautiful, ambitious goals that you have set for yourself. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Don't Step on the Bluebells, and I'll see you next time.